I once started explaining an aspect of NFP to a friend. He stopped me and said with a slightly superior attitude, "I know all this stuff I'm a [ER] doctor". I didn't have the heart to tell him that being a doctor in relation to this stuff usually doesn't really mean much.
(He and his wife later misunderstood something about how NFP works post partum ("She never had her period!" "Uh, well, um...she doesn't have to to be fertile, man...") and had surprise twins. My husband thought the situation was hilarious).
Excellent article. Even from a young age, before I was taught about fertility awareness methods, I had the vague feeling that something was off about the idea of regularly taking medicine that stopped my body from doing the thing it was supposed to be doing, that it was healthy for my body to be doing. I remember too the skepticism I was met with when I refused the offer of the pill for cramps etc., or insisted that I didn’t need the pill (or anything else) for contraceptive purposes because I was purposefully choosing not to be sexually active. It hurt a bit to be honest that the decisions I was making, healthy and good decisions, were seen as backwards, problematic, or temporary beliefs I’d grow out of. Thank goodness though for support from others I knew and several different fertility awareness classes. I couldn’t believe how much about my own body had been withheld from me in a world that claims to be “sex positive” or focused on “bodily autonomy.” It was also incredible to see how much my fiancé (and later husband) gained a greater respect/awe for me as a woman when he learned about how my body worked and how different it was from his own embodied experience. And despite it not always being rainbows and sunshine, practicing fertility awareness has been an ultimate blessing and good for us as a couple. Thanks for writing and calling out the WP article, it made my blood boil when I read it.
I can relate to the skepticism - the looks I've gotten from medical professionals when I was younger and said I wasn't at risk of getting pregnant! I remember distinctly feeling hurt, as if a teen making the choices I was making was somehow unheard of. Growing up evangelical, fertility awareness wasn't on the radar of anyone that I knew- most evangelicals have accepted the contraceptive mentality of our culture- and I felt pretty alone in terms of sexual ethics on the whole other than 'wait until marriage'. I'm being so proactive with our daughters and hope that they will have a different experience! Also agree that fertility awareness has been beneficial to my marriage- the communication and cooperation it requires is so healthy and respecting of our dignities (even though it isn't always convenient or easy.)
Exactly! And even growing up in Catholic circles it was something I only vaguely heard about/not in much detail. And most Catholics my age just thought it was something to ignore/a quaint outdated teaching that wasn’t a requirement. At a Catholic college my close friends and I were in the minority for not partaking of the general hook up culture. And it truly is!
She has a course about cycle awareness for girls that includes tracking symptoms of your menstrual cycle without a specific focus on fertility -- just for the health benefits and empowerment from self-knowledge!
Lorelei, thank you for writing this. When I was 6 weeks postpartum from my first birth, my OB/GYN (who, by the way, was Catholic) asked me what I was doing for birth control. When I told her I was doing NFP, I thought she would understand since she was Catholic. However, my response was met with some resistance. She said, “NFP is not reliable for preventing pregnancy; I can prescribe you a birth control pill.” I was so shocked, and I told her no thank you.
I wonder if she is lacking in catechesis, or if she is knowingly going against the Catholic Church’s teachings to appease pharmaceutical companies putting pressure on her to “sell” their products and prescribe more of the pill. It’s saddening to see this.
I'm so sorry you had that experience! Unfortunately I believe that there have been many years of poor catechesis in NFP, at the very least. I remember an appointment with a midwife during one of my pregnancies and she was wearing a pin on her shirt that was a golden IUD pin, probably given to her by an IUD company. That was a really start reminder to me in that moment that she was also promoting certain products.
I have used pullout for 13 years with a 100% track record, meaning I got pregnant when intended and avoided it where not intended. My ideal family size is 3 and we have 2 - I was open to an accident with both, since we knew we wanted kids, so pullout seemed fit for purpose there. No accidents, both planned.
I just tried getting on Slynd (minipill) since my second is still a baby and we cannot really afford a third right now - we would need to sell our home and move into an apartment, which would be irresponsible financially IMO, but our prospects are likely to change in the next 5 years (namely: 2k a month in student loans...) I was excited for what I hoped would be some extra protection, painfree.
And I got off. After 3 months of fog and suicidal ideation. I'm not sure I have it in me to try another hormonal pill. It was hellish. And... what's my alternative, because I don't feel pullout is quite enough...? Condoms for 5 years? Teaching myself charting because every midwife and OB I have ever seen laugh at me when I bring up nonhormonal methods? I am so incredibly frustrated. I just bought a basal body temp thermometer and need to figure out what to do next. I had hoped to have established continuity of care after patient abandonment with #1 leading to cesarean, vbac with #2 with an OB who then refused outright to sign off on pelvic floor PT... I thought I'd finally found a great CNM, who also supports hospital VBAC in case of no. 3, but now I get to have The Hormone Talk with her. Great.
I know Elizabeth commented below, but I agree that there are so many good resources out there now to learn! I feel very confident each month that I know what my body is doing when. I personally use the Boston Cross Check model which uses the most data points (ClearBlue Monitor, body temp, cervical fluid and position). I started using the Oura ring for my temps this year and that's made things even easier. There was a lot to learn at first, but now it's so automatic it's just a normal part of my routine. It's been very empowering to understand myself on this level. I agree that Pearl and Thistle would be a great place to get educated- she's got classes you can take online. The Couple to Couple League also does online classes. To start - basal body temp can help you know after ovulation is complete and the fertile window ends, but you need another marker for the front end of things. Taking Charge of Your Fertility is also a great, thorough book.
I wish I could be of more help with the way doctors react- as recently as last month I had a doctor look at me in horror because I said I practice fertility awareness. First words out of her mouth were "Well you understand the risks!" Which is silly, because the method I use has a higher efficacy than typical use of the pill by a longshot. NaPro doctors are the ones you want for this, but it can be hard to find in-person care depending on where you live. I see someone via telehealth and am now just going in person for my annual exam for what can't be done virtually.
I taught myself the Sympto-Thermal method of NFP using resources from The Couple to Couple League. This was 24 years ago, so there may be better resources out there now; Pearl and Thistle, which someone mentioned above, is a really good one. Trying to find any information on non-invasive family planning as a soon-to-be-married young woman was an exercise in unbelievable frustration for me! But I did teach myself to chart, and hopefully this is encouraging for you - there’s resources out there, and it is possible!
Absolutely excellent. I wrote about this too and am so happy to see more women saying the things that need to be said.
I have three daughters too! If you haven’t heard of it, check out The Cycle Show. It’s a program under The Guiding Star Project and is a workshop for young girls that aims to both educate and provoke awe and wonder about the female body! I’m becoming a certified teacher this year😍
Hopefully the more responses out there, the more chances that people who read that article might come across a critique of the WP piece! And I haven't heard of The Cycle Show- thank you for letting me know about it, it looks great! I've also been impressed by Pearl and Thistle- she does fertility awareness across the spectrum. I just took a perimenopause class that was super helpful.
I once started explaining an aspect of NFP to a friend. He stopped me and said with a slightly superior attitude, "I know all this stuff I'm a [ER] doctor". I didn't have the heart to tell him that being a doctor in relation to this stuff usually doesn't really mean much.
(He and his wife later misunderstood something about how NFP works post partum ("She never had her period!" "Uh, well, um...she doesn't have to to be fertile, man...") and had surprise twins. My husband thought the situation was hilarious).
Oh dear! That's a really good illustration about how there is much to be done in terms of our society understanding fertility!
Excellent article. Even from a young age, before I was taught about fertility awareness methods, I had the vague feeling that something was off about the idea of regularly taking medicine that stopped my body from doing the thing it was supposed to be doing, that it was healthy for my body to be doing. I remember too the skepticism I was met with when I refused the offer of the pill for cramps etc., or insisted that I didn’t need the pill (or anything else) for contraceptive purposes because I was purposefully choosing not to be sexually active. It hurt a bit to be honest that the decisions I was making, healthy and good decisions, were seen as backwards, problematic, or temporary beliefs I’d grow out of. Thank goodness though for support from others I knew and several different fertility awareness classes. I couldn’t believe how much about my own body had been withheld from me in a world that claims to be “sex positive” or focused on “bodily autonomy.” It was also incredible to see how much my fiancé (and later husband) gained a greater respect/awe for me as a woman when he learned about how my body worked and how different it was from his own embodied experience. And despite it not always being rainbows and sunshine, practicing fertility awareness has been an ultimate blessing and good for us as a couple. Thanks for writing and calling out the WP article, it made my blood boil when I read it.
I can relate to the skepticism - the looks I've gotten from medical professionals when I was younger and said I wasn't at risk of getting pregnant! I remember distinctly feeling hurt, as if a teen making the choices I was making was somehow unheard of. Growing up evangelical, fertility awareness wasn't on the radar of anyone that I knew- most evangelicals have accepted the contraceptive mentality of our culture- and I felt pretty alone in terms of sexual ethics on the whole other than 'wait until marriage'. I'm being so proactive with our daughters and hope that they will have a different experience! Also agree that fertility awareness has been beneficial to my marriage- the communication and cooperation it requires is so healthy and respecting of our dignities (even though it isn't always convenient or easy.)
Exactly! And even growing up in Catholic circles it was something I only vaguely heard about/not in much detail. And most Catholics my age just thought it was something to ignore/a quaint outdated teaching that wasn’t a requirement. At a Catholic college my close friends and I were in the minority for not partaking of the general hook up culture. And it truly is!
I know this is an old post, but I wanted to share a resource that a friend of mind developed, Pearl and Thistle: https://pearlandthistle.com/cycle-prep/
She has a course about cycle awareness for girls that includes tracking symptoms of your menstrual cycle without a specific focus on fertility -- just for the health benefits and empowerment from self-knowledge!
Love Pearl and Thistle! Took a great intro class to perimenopause with her!
Lorelei, thank you for writing this. When I was 6 weeks postpartum from my first birth, my OB/GYN (who, by the way, was Catholic) asked me what I was doing for birth control. When I told her I was doing NFP, I thought she would understand since she was Catholic. However, my response was met with some resistance. She said, “NFP is not reliable for preventing pregnancy; I can prescribe you a birth control pill.” I was so shocked, and I told her no thank you.
I wonder if she is lacking in catechesis, or if she is knowingly going against the Catholic Church’s teachings to appease pharmaceutical companies putting pressure on her to “sell” their products and prescribe more of the pill. It’s saddening to see this.
I'm so sorry you had that experience! Unfortunately I believe that there have been many years of poor catechesis in NFP, at the very least. I remember an appointment with a midwife during one of my pregnancies and she was wearing a pin on her shirt that was a golden IUD pin, probably given to her by an IUD company. That was a really start reminder to me in that moment that she was also promoting certain products.
I have used pullout for 13 years with a 100% track record, meaning I got pregnant when intended and avoided it where not intended. My ideal family size is 3 and we have 2 - I was open to an accident with both, since we knew we wanted kids, so pullout seemed fit for purpose there. No accidents, both planned.
I just tried getting on Slynd (minipill) since my second is still a baby and we cannot really afford a third right now - we would need to sell our home and move into an apartment, which would be irresponsible financially IMO, but our prospects are likely to change in the next 5 years (namely: 2k a month in student loans...) I was excited for what I hoped would be some extra protection, painfree.
And I got off. After 3 months of fog and suicidal ideation. I'm not sure I have it in me to try another hormonal pill. It was hellish. And... what's my alternative, because I don't feel pullout is quite enough...? Condoms for 5 years? Teaching myself charting because every midwife and OB I have ever seen laugh at me when I bring up nonhormonal methods? I am so incredibly frustrated. I just bought a basal body temp thermometer and need to figure out what to do next. I had hoped to have established continuity of care after patient abandonment with #1 leading to cesarean, vbac with #2 with an OB who then refused outright to sign off on pelvic floor PT... I thought I'd finally found a great CNM, who also supports hospital VBAC in case of no. 3, but now I get to have The Hormone Talk with her. Great.
I know Elizabeth commented below, but I agree that there are so many good resources out there now to learn! I feel very confident each month that I know what my body is doing when. I personally use the Boston Cross Check model which uses the most data points (ClearBlue Monitor, body temp, cervical fluid and position). I started using the Oura ring for my temps this year and that's made things even easier. There was a lot to learn at first, but now it's so automatic it's just a normal part of my routine. It's been very empowering to understand myself on this level. I agree that Pearl and Thistle would be a great place to get educated- she's got classes you can take online. The Couple to Couple League also does online classes. To start - basal body temp can help you know after ovulation is complete and the fertile window ends, but you need another marker for the front end of things. Taking Charge of Your Fertility is also a great, thorough book.
I wish I could be of more help with the way doctors react- as recently as last month I had a doctor look at me in horror because I said I practice fertility awareness. First words out of her mouth were "Well you understand the risks!" Which is silly, because the method I use has a higher efficacy than typical use of the pill by a longshot. NaPro doctors are the ones you want for this, but it can be hard to find in-person care depending on where you live. I see someone via telehealth and am now just going in person for my annual exam for what can't be done virtually.
I taught myself the Sympto-Thermal method of NFP using resources from The Couple to Couple League. This was 24 years ago, so there may be better resources out there now; Pearl and Thistle, which someone mentioned above, is a really good one. Trying to find any information on non-invasive family planning as a soon-to-be-married young woman was an exercise in unbelievable frustration for me! But I did teach myself to chart, and hopefully this is encouraging for you - there’s resources out there, and it is possible!
It's kind of embarrassing that organizations like FACTS have to exist to educate the medical community about the body, but here we are! Great piece.
https://www.factsaboutfertility.org/
Thanks! And I don't think I knew about FACTS! What an excellent resource- but agreed, it's not spectacular that it needs to exist.
Absolutely excellent. I wrote about this too and am so happy to see more women saying the things that need to be said.
I have three daughters too! If you haven’t heard of it, check out The Cycle Show. It’s a program under The Guiding Star Project and is a workshop for young girls that aims to both educate and provoke awe and wonder about the female body! I’m becoming a certified teacher this year😍
Hopefully the more responses out there, the more chances that people who read that article might come across a critique of the WP piece! And I haven't heard of The Cycle Show- thank you for letting me know about it, it looks great! I've also been impressed by Pearl and Thistle- she does fertility awareness across the spectrum. I just took a perimenopause class that was super helpful.