Reflections on 17 Years of Marriage
17 years of marriage: growing in understanding of Sacramental grace and the true definition of love.
17 years ago JP and I entered into the Sacrament of Marriage at Old St Joseph’s Church In De Pere, Wisconsin. We had a Catholic wedding, though I was not Catholic…yet. We had a liturgy of the word instead of a full Mass, because that would have emphasized how we were not yet fully united in faith. We had a long journey ahead of us in that regard, over a decade before our prayers for unity came to fruition.
Still it was a beautiful day, and it was a Sacrament, in fact, it was the second Sacrament (baptism was the other) that I had received.
I didn’t really understand well what a Sacrament was at the time. I understood marriage as a serious, lifelong commitment, but I didn’t fully grasp the depths of what I had entered into. I’ve certainly grown in my understanding of it in the years since, and I’m sure I will continue to grow in the years to come. And I often think about how the graces from that Sacrament have been accompanying us for the past 17 years, even before I understood how Sacramental grace worked.
I’ve since learned that sometimes physical things, like a marriage, can help us better understand the Love of One bigger than ourselves. I used to believe grace was largely a one time infusion at the moment one accepted Jesus as one’s savior. But know I know that grace is infused into us all our lives through, and that Sacraments offer a flood of grace, an abundance of grace, as we make tangible the invisible, higher things. Marriage as a Sacrament helps us, and those in our lives to better understand God’s love for His people and his Church. It is a beacon shining out to illuminate something that can feel difficult to see.
Each day, I continue to learn (sometimes with gritted teeth) what it means to will the good of the other, the true definition of love. On our wedding day, and for some time after, I didn’t understand that well. Our culture has such a different way to define love, and back in the day I watched enough seasons of The Bachelor and read enough ridiculous woman’s magazines to understand well what our world thinks. I internalized some of those messages without even trying. But the truth is that marital love in its fullness is not attraction, or a mushy-gushy feeling (though those can be very nice things). It is certainly not the idea that we can use another person, or that another person will make us happy by fulfilling our needs. Almost an inverse of that, love as willing the good of the other, of living the idea of being a gift, is one of the most beautiful ways that those living in out their vocation (whether that be married, single, celibate) can be a bright light in an often dim world.
We have our children, four precious souls exist in world that weren’t there before. I watch them with awe every day as they add beauty and goodness to the world simply by their existence and furthered by who they are growing to be. We have been entrusted to shape four people made in the image of God, and being a mom has made me somehow both more myself and less selfish in a way that I’m not sure anything else could.
I know that JP and I would both say that through our marriage we are closer to the people we were made with the potential to be, as marriage has a wonderful way of softening rough edges and revealing flaws. But thankfully it also holds within it the grace and trust and care to help us stand when we fall and forgive and offer forgiveness when one or the other is grieved and to spur each other onward in Love.
These are all part of the graces I believe we received on that day, 17 years ago when we made our vows. I am thankful for the gentle revealing of those graces over time, and for the continued graces to come both in times of calm and the inevitable times of storm.
Praying today for all those called to live out this vocation, and for a healing in the understanding of marriage and love in our world.
In our wedding program we printed the verse:
“This is my beloved and this is my friend.”
17 years later, still true. ❤️
-Lorelei
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My Children’s Books
I write middle grade novels! My three books are currently published with Penguin Random House. While I’m published in the secular market, all of my stories are deeply informed and inspired by my Catholic faith. They are a good fit for kids 8 and up who can navigate some suspense/spookiness.
Titles:
The Circus of Stolen Dreams
The Edge of In Between (A Catholic & CS Lewis inspired retelling of The Secret Garden)
The Night Train (features a Catholic sidekick/friend)
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